Hmpf...

Let me set the stage:
Monday night both kids were running fever. Literally, every hour and a half to two hours one of them was in our room to tell us "I don't feel good." Each time, we escorted them to bed, got water, sometimes meds, and patted & loved back to sleep. That started at 10:00pm and lasted until 4:30 am (I get up at 5:00 am). When my alarm went off, Jer said, "That was the WORST night EVER." (Clearly, it has been many years since we've had newborns or kids who don't sleep. We're blessed with good sleepers.)

Last night (Tuesday):
I went to bed at 9:15. I like sleep. I need sleep. LOTS of sleep. Really, we've established I'm just a 8-9 hours per night type of girl. I heard Howdy start barking his "I really mean it" bark. As I was getting out of bed, Jeremy did. "Good, he's got it under control." I was about to drift off when Howdy started another spasm of barking. When Jer didn't stop it, I got out of bed. "Are you going to do something about that?" I said in not-my-nicest voice. "Shhh. There's something out there," says my husband, peeking through the back blinds, blind as a bat. He gets my glasses (long story, but he doesn't have any right now). We have solar screens, so you still can't see out of them at night. Howdy spasms his barks again. I had it - I was going out, "It is 11:45. I just want to sleep the whole night." He stopped and lead the way. We followed Howdy's determined gaze...and there was a opossum on our shed.

It was "playing opossum," standing up. Jeremy went to get the BB gun while I kept the flashlight on it (I'm currently blind because Jeremy has my glasses, remember). Every now and then I can make out that it's looking at me from the reflection of what I assume are eyes. Jeremy comes back, aims, fires. You can hear the BB hit something in the yard next door (reminding me, I need to ask Teresa if her windows are okay). Fire again; (me) "did you get it?" (Jer)"I don't know, it didn't move." Fire again, (me)"That definitely hit it" (Jer)"How do you know, you can't see?" (me) "It just sounded like it." (Jer)"It's not moving." (me)"It is a opossum." I think I got one of those, "you did not just make a dumb joke" looks, but I couldn't see :) He hit it at least three times.

(me) "Go knock it off." (Jer) "With what? I need a shovel." (me)"Don't we have one in the shed." (Jer)"Rats in the shed." (me)"Oh, yeah. Use the gun." Jer walks over, hits it with the gun, I hear scraping, see a fuzzy white thing again. (Jer) "Huh." (me)"Hit it again." After three or four whacks with the gun (PETA is going to have a field day with this, but it wasn't hard enough to hurt it, just trying to get it to move along off our shed so our dog would stop barking so I could SLEEP!), it starts walking across the top of the fence line. Howdy is jumping, trying to get it. Maggie, who is in my arms, has seen it and now decides she's going after it. Since it's larger than she it (I think, at least the blob seemed to be, my glasses were on Jeremy, remember), I hold Maggie. It totters on, in the flashlight beam, to the neighbors fence. Now their dogs start barking.

We turn to go into the house. Turn knob, it's locked. (Jer)"Hmpf." (me)"It's not locked, is it?" (Jer)"Appears so." (me)"How did that happen?" (Jer)"I locked the knob before I knew what was out there." (me)"Isn't that what the top bolt is for?" (Jer)giving me a "not now" look - I think. (me)"You know you're my hero, right? You saved me from the barking dog. I can sleep on the trampoline." [The kids are inside, sick, asleep, and would FREAK out if we banged on the door for them to let us in. Nighmares for YEARS, so that's not an option.] (Jer)"Do we have a key hidden anywhere?" (me)"Do we have a key to the back door?" (Jer)"To the front door?" (me)"No, I put it on my key ring this morning." (Jer)"And I locked my truck or we could get the garage door opener." (whirring brains of Jeremy and Misti. Both in our night clothes, standing under our porch light with a BB gun and a flashlightat midnight - classic. Neighbor's porch light comes on.) (me)"Is the bathroom window unlocked?" Jeremy disappears around the side of the house. After I stand there trying to force open the back door (like, maybe this, time it will magically open), picturing myself kicking it in (like I could even do that), and trying to figure out how to pick the lock with a tree branch (too many movies), I think that he might appreciate a flashlight and walk around the side of the house. No Jeremy. So, I proceed to go back to the back door, which he has opened for meand is waiting to escort me in.

We laughed, and then we went to sleep.

The End.