Still here

I know, some of you have wondered, is she still around? I am. I've been working to break my computer addiction. I've also been struggling with my latest week of Believing God - that would be week 4 - that I've been working on for 3 weeks. It's not that I'm skipping out - I did it once, and then decided I should revisit it again, and again. Week 4 is Believing You Are Who God Says You Are. Since this is a struggle I've been in for, oh, at least a year; heck, who are we joking, a couple of years, I felt I should camp out. I've been every where on this one week of study...and I don't like any of the places I've been.

The week started with Cain & Abel. Cain gave his offering without a pure heart; yes, he met the "quota" of the sacrifice, but didn't have his heart in it. Beth's words cut me, "Cain's offering represents every time a believer knows what God wants and refuses to give it. We often quickly give Him other things, as if He won't notice. Sometimes we give more in many other areas but doggedly withhold the one thing we know He wants."

Okay, God...what am I giving you without a pure heart? What is it I substitute for what You really want? What do you really want? Since my biggest battle has been work, here are some of the thoughts I journaled:

• It's not as if I hate my work and am looking for a way or reason to quit (most days). So, is it a sacrifice to quit work since I do like it? Is that the sacrifice he wants? Maybe.
• Is it a little tougher than I imagine because that's the challenge? Stay where it's tough, wait it out, keep and share the faith despite tough times? Maybe.
• I am tightly holding on to money. Is it the part time position? Is that why I won't quit, because I like the freedom I have with money? Is He asking, "don't you trust me?" Maybe.
• Is it the money or is it the importance and control I have in the job, which, really is not that significant? We all know I could be labeled a control freak in some areas. I can admit it; I don't like that trait in myself. I want to be more type B! Is this what He wants - surrender my job as a show of surrendering control? Maybe.
• Other "opportunities for ministry" have come in the picture. Great opportunities. Opportunities that both excite and scare the pants off of me. In any case, there is no way I can do both - work and work on any of these "opportunities." Is that it? Maybe.

Obviously, I've been challenged, but I haven't gotten past "Maybe." That's all just from Day 1 of Week 4. Although I decided to move on to Week 5, this will be a bit of my "working through it all in my head and heart" through my blog back on Week 4. God uses the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and other believers to guide His children. I'm my own biggest roadblock in the study of the Bible, prayer, and circumstances, so I am reaching out to you - other believers - to share any insight God gives you. I'll be sharing more from Week 4 over the next few days, so don't be hasty, but I do ask you to be in prayerful consideration of sharing what God lays on your heart.