Over the hump?

That should be 'humpS.' I think I've come out of my funk after a few things were weighing me down.

Jer's been under a lot of stress the last couple of weeks and so have I, and when you combine our stress levels, we're not good for each other. We're such a team, and when one goes down (or is spiraling), the other one is there to pick him up; when we both start in a spiral, it's just not good.

One of my spirals was photography. I LOVE it. I want to be GREAT at it (I want to be great at everything I do - OCD, perfectionist, yes). I would kind of (okay, really) like to make at least a little money at doing it so I could continue to buy new stuff and feel like I'm contributing to the family financial status. But, I've always had this thing against entrepreneurship, and I have so many friends that are in the business, I don't want to compete with them. So, I was debating on what to buy to start building the basis for a simple business and found the flash I wanted super cheap. I was so excited that I didn't check the online store, and, you guessed it, not one to be trusted. After I gave my credit card info and denied their 'upgrades,' I got the email that they were 'out of stock' for my flash. I quickly cancelled my credit card which meant that I've been going through life for over a week with no way to purchase stuff. Yes, I have a debit card, but I do not use it online and usually avoid all purchases via debit. Today I received a new credit card! I'm not a crazy shopper, I'm actually very frugal, but just the ability.

Then, I've been hating teaching. I've officially released myself from being super-teacher. I have parents upset that I don't call every time their child is absent or fails a paper, and I've decided that's really not my job. I am there to teach. I study, plan lessons, and try to be as engaging but challenging as possible. I can't parent all 130 of them, too. Consequences teach lessons very well. I believe I learned that hot would hurt when Mom said hot and I touched something hot. I believe I learned (sit down for this one) that drinking would make you sick when I drank too much one night (yes, there was a little rebellious streak in me). I believe I have learned the most important lessons in life through natural consequences. And, after following students around all year, emailing home to get them to come to tutorials, I decided that my students can choose to come on their own. I post grades every Monday (also to my web site where parents can check, along with my detailed lesson plans each day, along with files of lessons and copies of notes - really, you could take my class from my web site), they have all week to come take care of business. Some are learning that skipping = missing work = zeros = failing. As a 16 or 17 year old, this is an important lesson to learn before college, when you're paying big bucks (or mom is)for school. Okay, I still feel like I'm not doing enough, but I'm working on releasing myself. Maybe part time status next year will help.

Third, what is God doing with me? I've always had such a passion for teaching and students that none of this other stuff (parents, paperwork, hoops) have gotten to me. I've always told God that he'd have to take my passion for teaching away if he wants me to do something else. It's gone. I'm trying to believe it's just 'end-of-the-semester' burnout. I've never wanted to teach or speak to women, but I feel like that's could be where I'm heading. I've never wanted to own/operate a business, but there are some opportunities presenting themselves that appear promising and exciting. I'm trying to be patient (and I'm NOT) and just enjoy the ride. I'm not scared by this type of stuff anymore (heck, I'm a church planter's wife, WHO in their right mind decides, 'let's go start a church'?), so it's kind of fun, but frustrating for the girl who likes to have it all planned out before her.

Finally, eating & exercise. I am a stress eater. I like comfort food. I like to run to counteract this, and I'd like to lose my "winter coat." Stress means I've been eating. My knee is hurting again, and I got the $536 doctor bill (x-rays are expensive, but now I've met my deductible for the year - I'm going to have moles checked, a complete physical, you name it!). No running = either no comfort eating or no shedding of winter coat. Sad, sad, sad. Now that I have a credit card, I have ordered a different pair of shoes, I think that's the next step before going back to the doctor (who is evidently NOT in my PPO network, thus some extra charges). I feel like my feet & stride have changed, so I'm trying another type of shoe. This gives me some hope. Hope = less need to stress eat...see where this is going?!

Okay - that feels better.